The Great Rainy Beyond

[OregonSalmon]

Fellas, can John Foggerty tell me who will stop the rain? I've been dancing, crawling, even ate a nightcrawler in hopes H20 stops kickin' my Oregon butt. How much sin have I commited for this onslaught of water. I think the Good Lord has a target on my backside. Might try eating oatmeal. Could be salvation.

Fishing report: If you don't use bait, out of luck on the coast. The stoners are ready to roll on the Deschutes. Fun hatch. Amazing you don't catch every fish you cast to. Plus nothing like a stonefly crawling down your shirt. Good bug tickle. Don't eat them. Stick in your throat for hours. Learned the hard way. Took four hours and sixteen beers to wash that bugger down. Hardest buck I ever earned.

I'll be floating below the Broadway Bridge on the Fourth of July to raise money for the animal shelter. My first brain attack was Paddling For Pups. Total failure so my buddy went to the store, bought a bunch of eggs to be tossed at me. Turns out I don't have a lot of friends in this town. Raised $154. Anything for the doggies. On the Fourth, he has lined up 1400 eggs. My new nick is "Floating Omlet". I'm going to be crushed, but anything for the hounds. People loved it! Hell he was getting people off their barstolls! These are guys that only walk when they take a whiz!!! Great fun. Not sure of the legality but what the hay. Have to go to jail every now and for old time sake.

Ya' all take care, and remember, God loves you, deal with it.

[jbird]

How much sin have I commited for this onslaught of water. I think the Good Lord has a target on my backside. .

Are you telling me all this cotton pickin rain is your fault!?

[Ed Wahl]

Damn it Gellar!

I'm headin north, and I've got a sickle in one hand and a torch in the other (provided the rain doesn't put it out).

All I needed was someone to blame this on, and now it's you.

Grab your swim fins and fly for your life.

Ed

[Reno Flytyer]

Someone git a rope.
RFT

[OregonSalmon]

Boys, I swear I can't change the weather though my buddies years ago thought I could. I kid you not these lunatics figured if I tied flies that night which we need that weather would change. So I'd have to get up at five in the morning and tie. Elk were waking me up so what the hell. Loud big critters and very tasty.

If I could effect the weather do you know how many people would be turned into frogs? Plenty. I'd be sitting on a gold throne surrounded by the six best hookers in the world. No boys, the weather is out of my control. Blame the weatherman, the wife, the bus system but it ain't me...I'm no Forutunate Son. I't ain't me...I't ain't me...I'm no fortunate one. Sorry Forgattey.

Plus, if you want to string me up don't waste the gas. Plenty of boys in town have that thought. They are giving me odd stares lately. Something might be brewing, and not beer. Idiots can't come up a plan so I think I'm safe for a bit. Never know.

[Larry S]

Galen:
The Kiene boys seem to be more worried about their tomatoes that they do
who is going to be the first fishing guide to win "Dancing with the Stars."
Here in Sun Diego, I'm having to reach out a second-floor window to pick
the ripe love apples. On the beaches, we've got huge populations of
sand crabs this spring. Carl Sagan would sputter in his description of their
numbers. We may see some 10-pound surf perch.
On a less serious note, how can we contribute to your crusade for the animals?
By the way, what happened to that move back to Cal? Your sister threaten
legal action?
Best to you,
Larry S

[jbird]

Wait! Whats this about huge populations of ripe love apples on the beach in sun diego??

[Ed Wahl]

Calm down Jay, they also have a huge population of crabs.
Ed

[Larry S]

What! You guys never heard of crab apples?
Best,
Larry S

[OregonSalmon]

Were those "love apples" or "crap apples"? I know you can get crabs from love but will a crab give you an apple? I'm confused. I will walk in a zombie stupor all day long on this question. Dammit it boys, don't make my mind work! Already I have a headache on the topic. My ear wants to leave my head! Do I have a head? It went numb. Big flies, big fish. I might be back. Never drool in the library. Stalking hot women in the library is good but don't drool while in pursuit. Never hit your grandmom with a shovel since it leaves a bad impression on her mind. Don't eat yellow snow. What the hell I'm I talking about? Time for a beer.
Think the woman at the desk loves me. Then again I thought a basset hound did and the bastard bit me! Don't insult a basset hound on the long ear and short legs thing. Really pisses them off. Vicious ugly buggers. Wonder if they can find truffels.
To the tavern! Let's see how bad today can go...early bets...not good.