Getting your wife into Fishing

[Slice]

My wife is not very "outdoorsy" and I've never really fostered any interest in fishing until recently. I take my kids or mostly go out alone (there pretty little) but its always been assumed she does something else. Recently she has expressed some interest and I think it may be fun. I got her into trap shooting years ago and we have a 'blast' - she's a hellofa shot.

Do any of you have experience, good or bad, in getting your significant other into YOUR sport? How did you do it?



Jim

[Hogan Brown]

I guide and have guided a lot of husband/wife couples over the years some came to me both as fishermen some were clients that wanted to get their wife into it. being a guide I only have experience guiding people so here is what I have seen help....

1) fishing with a guide is nice as the instruction is being given from someone else other then you. If you have ever tried to teach your significant other something you know the pit falls or what I am talking about. My wife fishes and I am a FFF certified casting instructor but when we got into salt fishing I sent her to a casting instructor to get polished up.

2)fishing from a boat is nice as it is pretty comfortable and not the tromping through the forrest expedition type of fishing. I have seen bugs, sap from trees, mud, dirt, and any number of forrest things ruin fishing for a wife who is not outdoorsy.

3) Spring or fall are best. Very comfortable temperatures.

4) Make sure the fishing is in a pretty place and has a pretty high degree of success.

5) make it a trip where the fishing is not necessary the whole point. Go out to dinner after, stay the night some place she wants to, make it about the whole experience not just catching fish. Most couples that I know fish, go out to dinner, check out some stores, what ever...it is a whole trip not just drive up early, pound the water, eat some fast food on the cheap, and rally home in the dark...like most dudes do.

6) This may sound weird but access to a bathroom. It is not as easy for them as it is us....I guide a few couples where the husband asked about this to began with and for some reason this is a big deal.

That is my two cents...I have seen some couples turn into great fishing partners and travel all over the world fishing together...I have also seen some husbands try to get wives into fishing and it go up in flames so good luck!

[Adam Grace]

Good advice Hogan! I would rather have someone else teach my fiancé how to cast. I shiver while thinking about the mess that could be created if I taught her myself, lol.

[Larry S]

Jim,
May I suggest you buy a copy of Sheridan Anderson's "Curtis Creek Manifesto." Been around since
the 1960's, I believe; and I think that it is still in print. Try a search for Frank Amato Publications.
Maybe Kiene's carry it. A paperback that's written and illustrated in comic book fashion; but, a treasure
chest for the beginning fly fisher; any age and any gender.
Second step; book a trip for two with a guide like Hogan Brown and make sure the guide understands
what the situation entails. BTW, there is an increasing number of very competent female guides nowadays.
Best,
Larry S

[Adam Grace]

Larry, I agree. Books and videos can be very helpful to introduce a fly fishing newbie to the larger spectrum of ff'ing and then one-on-one instruction really drives the understanding of the techniques home. IMHO, on the water instruction is when the experience solidifies everything that was read or watched on video.

Personal note: I'm not sure if I will ever get my fiancee to pick up ff'ing but I'm not worried. As much as I would love to share some f'fing experiences with her I am also not apposed to keeping something just for me, and having a little special time away.

Married men out here, what is your take on sharing ff'ing with your spouse or keeping it for yourself?

[BillB]

Joan Wulff has some very inspirational and helpful publications. My wife consumed much of what Joan published. Though my wife always enjoyed the outdoors she didn't take up fly fishing until later in life. Hogan's thoughts are spot on with one caviat; make sure the guide you hire is up for the task. My wife, to this day, will not go on a float since we hired a slave driving guide years back on the lower Sac. The intensity and heat took its toll. She prefers stumbling, laughing, high sticking and a little dry fly action on the McCloud and Kings all at her own pace. I doubt there are many guides out there like that fellow any longer. I tried to convince her that she wouldn't have that experience again if we went with Charlie G, but now dice.

[Slice]

Thats great advice Hogan, especially the bathroom tip, I wouldnt have thought of it until it was too late. I agree having someone else teach her makes alot of sense. I'll have to book something with you this spring.

Larry and Adam, also good, I diddnt really put it together but I was watching "Hustle and Fish" and theres a scene where he takes his girl fishing and it caught her attention. Kinda like oh theres a cute girl wearing makeup fishing, haha.

Thanks, keep the advice and stories coming. Jim

Edit, oh yea, Adam, I thought of keeping it to myself but I fish by myself 90% of the time and was thinking she surely wouldnt come with me more than a couple times a year and it may open up some different vacation opportunities as well as help getting the kids into it. I already tend to influence our vacations secretly, "I hear the Trinity Alps are nice this time of year - Theres a quaint little B&B...".

[JasonB]

I'd say read Hogans post several times, being sure to glean not just the obvious truths but the more subtle ones between the lines. SPOT ON advice!
For perspective; my wife and I fish together, and kayak together, camp, hike, backpack, etc etc. One of the big reasons we married is that we both have a powerful love (need) for the outdoors, travel, and adventure. So some of my own experiences may be a tad different from yours. I never really "got her into it", she was kind of curious and it helped to rekindle my own previous experiences with fly fishing; which caused me to re-outfit with all that stuff and get back into it again.

One big thing that's true is that it can be very, very hard to try and teach ANYTHING to a spouse; even with the best of intentions you can find that both can get very frustrated with both the fishing and the teaching/learning stuff. My wife is also far more interested in the location, and the aesthetics of the fishing than the size of fish, so places like the N. Yuba, and Mccloud are real favorites for her. The bit about making sure that it's not just non stop fishing is also true for her. I could fish all day long more often than not, sometimes not even wanting to miss out on any bit of it for the length of time it would take to have a decent picnic lunch; she would be quite happy fishing an hour or two here, and hour or two there and just enjoying her time on the river the rest of the time, or having additional activities during our fishing adventures. So often times my fishing times with her are a bit more open to the "whole experience", and often times that has helped me to enjoy a lot of things that I might have overlooked on one of my own marathon days.

As for what it's like for me fishing and stuff with her, vs having that be just a thing I do alone or with the guys, I love it. We have a blast, and it has just added a ton of really special memories and experiences to our marriage. The only thing that bugs me is how I STILL have yet to catch a steelhead on all my attempts this fall/winter, and yet she somehow managed to get lucky and catch a steelhead both times I "dragged" her up to the Trinity to try some steelhead fishing with me... with an INDICATOR no less!!! Oh the humanity! That's ok, they were smaller ones anyways... and they were caught on flies that I tied!

At any rate, I say give it a whirl it could be fun. Just be certain that your mind is wide open to having fun no matter how things roll, and that she's comfortable that there are no expectations of anything from her.
JB

[David Lee]

Married men out here, what is your take on sharing ff'ing with your spouse or keeping it for yourself?

My Wife does not fly fish , but she's very handy w/ spinning gear . We both enjoy enough of the same kind of fishing (she only likes the salt) to make fishing trips work .

Truth be told .... my 'first-date test' has always been .... can she cut it in the Woods ? If not , then there's no real common ground since I live to do bush stuff and have NO intention of stopping it because my Girl isn't into it/doesn'
t like it . Slice is on the right track - if she shoots , that is outdoors enough ! Next step would be getting Wife more into 'nature' stuff , Plant/Bug/Fish/Animal I.D. kinda things , I would think .

D.~

[Tony Buzolich]

This is really a good question because it can open the door to doing a lot of fun things together locally and travel adventures everywhere. In this month's issue of Fly Fishing in Saltwater there are two articles dealing with fishing and your spouse. One is "Couples Retreat" and the other is "Getting the Green Light". Both are good reading.

I started my wife out fishing with something small that I was sure she could handle and was fairly easy to catch,,,,,,shad. The warm weather this time of year made wading the sandbar at Verona a lot more comfortable for her too. The one mistake I made here was giving her too light of a rod. I started her out with a 4 weight thinking it would be easier for her to cast, but after the first couple of shad she asked if she could use my 6 weight and liked it a lot. On the way home that evening we stopped at Kiene's and bought her a new SAGE RPL+ 696 that she's used ever since.

Here's my son starting his wife out on her first shad.
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/johnjenemail.jpg

After shad it was only logical to hand her one of my 9 weights and see how she could do with a little bigger fish,,,,,salmon. This was quite a jump in size but it taught her how to fight bigger fish. At first I had to help her cast the heavier shooting heads but she soon got the hang of it and did quite well on her own.

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/Kimwithfish.jpg

So, what do you do next to keep her interested in the game? Take her to Florida and the Keys. Barracuda are great fun and can be had wading any beach or shoreline. Throw any bright flashy fly or spinner and you're sure to get a grab with little trouble. We rented a boat for a few days looking for tarpon and she came up with this nice grouper. Talk about luck and some good eating.

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/Kimgrouperemail.jpg

Since then we've made a couple trips to Kona where she's taken Aku and papio but the real treat for her was going to La Paz with me on several of Jay Murakoshi's trips that I hosted. Here is where we met Darian and his lady partner Renee', who is also quite a fly fisher as well.

Here's Kim with her first BIG dorado

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/kims35email.jpg

Jack Crevalle (aka. Toro)

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/_MG_5283upload.jpg

Roosterfish

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/kim-rooster20.jpg

Yellowtail
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/_MG_5168upload.jpg

African Pompano

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/_MG_5302upload.jpg

a big Skipjack
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b320/buzolich/_MG_5206upload.jpg

And her list goes on and on and I completely forgot about her stripers in the delta. So, all I can say is make it easy for her at first and then let her do what she likes to do best. A few trips to warm places is always a good encouragement for her to tag along.
Tony

[Darian]

Geez Tony!!! All of the photo's from our trips show the ladies catching all of the fish!!! Where's ours??? I take all of the photo's of her catching fish but when I'm landing something she's too busy trying for another fish to take any photo's. ;)

I didn't have to introduce my fishing partner to fly fishing as her father did that while a kid in NorCal and Montana. When we fish out of any boat, she's like a bird dog pointing out fish while standing in the bow. I take credit for introducing her to salty fly fishing, tho. Now, I need to get her to start tying flies.... :D

At any rate, everything everyone has posted in this thread about having a fly fishing partner is true. Makes for a lot of fun and for some great adventures.... :cool:

[Baja Fly Fisher]

Damn, Ramon was a youngster back then. If I'm not mistaken on that trip I heard two rods break, correct. One in your boat and one in another boat, both on skippies.
Our ladies are still kicking but out there. This past season, we had a gal take a marlin and on the way in, she caught a bull dorado.
Can't wait for April and the warm baja weather. Some fish are already there

Jay

[Slice]

Tony, really cool photos thanks for sharing. Would it sound weird if i said I was jelous of your wife? I guess so, scratch that.

All good stuff. Jim

[Tony Buzolich]

Jay,

You actually remember taking that dorado picture? That really was a fun trip for everyone even with a few broken rods, mine included. :)


Slice,

Not weird at all. I'm pretty proud of her and when she sets her mind to doing something she does it well.
Tony

[JasonB]

I forgot one little thing, that can be really important. As an instructor in Whitewater kayaking, I've seen a lot of "supportive" husbands, fathers, boyfriends, etc, make the big mistake of being overly helpful in all sorts of ways. One of the big ones that I think a lot of guys really miss is that by being too helpful or by "coddling" too much, it can be a real negative hit to her self confidence. I think sometimes the men are more worried about how well she will do, or if she will like it, than the woman is herself (that is until she picks up on their nervous energy).

I have had a lot of success teaching many uncertain, or timid women, largely by being unwavering in my complete confidence that they totally CAN do anything that they are willing to put the effort into. I make clear that I'll take them as far (or as little) as they want in their pursuit of those goals, at whatever pace is working at that moment, and of course that no matter what we'll have a blast doing it! Probably 90% do far, far more than they thought they could in the end... and many of them have not found "the end" yet and are still working at it and continue to push further and further along.

While I have found that lots of women who are new to something that is more typically male dominated do very much appreciate having lots of support and encouragement, they also often benefit HUGELY from our confidence in them and their ability to be able to do it themselves. Even if that first cast, or tenth cast is an ugly mess, not helping them too much can help in showing your belief in their abilities to do it well eventually. If nothing else it can show that you're confident in them having the ability to have fun at it regardless of their lack of style and grace as a beginner. You also don't want to water down the experience to the point of making it something that you wont enjoy later on if she does find that it's fun.

Just some more food for thought
JB

[Adam Grace]

This is a cool thread! Thanks for the advice, suggestions, and personal stories. :)